THE FIRST NATIONAL CHURCH OF THE EXQUISITE PANIC, INC. IS AN ORTHODOX PAGAN RELIGION. THE DOCTRINE OF ORTHODOX PAGANISM ADVOCATES FREE UNRESTRAINED INQUIRY IN THE BELIEF THAT THE WORST NEWS IS BETTER THAN NO NEWS AT ALL.

THE ONE REQUIREMENT FOR MEMBERSHIP IS A DELIGHT IS QUESTIONING EVERYTHING, AND ACCEPTING EVERY ANSWER AS SIMPLY ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY TO ASK ANOTHER QUESTION.

OUR PURPOSE AS ORTHODOX PAGANS IS TO EXERCISE OUR UNIQUE CAPACITY AS HUMAN BEINGS FOR CONTINUAL GROWTH. OUR METHOD OF DOING THIS IS TO SHARE OUR EXPERIENCE WITH ONE ANOTHER IN ORDER TO GIVE OURSELVES THE COURAGE TO FACE NEW SITUATIONS, WHICH GROWING ALWAYS ENTAILS, WITH LESS TREPIDATION THAN IF WE HAD TO CONFRONT THEM ALONE.